Okay, we're gonna try and tell this story exactly as it happened, without exaggerating.

    It's amazing enough without any exaggerations.

    Yeah, I guess you're right. So we'll just tell the story. We had a free weekend, and couldn't figure out what to do with ourselves. No political rallies or protests to go to....

    The clubs are boring, and there were no raves happening...

    So we decided to do something different for a change. We'd heard about this nude beach down by the lake, it was supposed to be a gay beach, and thought it might be fun to check it out.

    And you never know, there might have been someone really rich and really cute that would have fallen madly in love with me.

    That, too. So we got to the beach, it was a warm enough day, and started to strip down. That's not as easy as it sounds.

    He started laughing hysterically, something about his tan line set him off, and we spent fifteen minutes, half-undressed, trying to compose ourselves.

    I think we discovered at least fifty new moles on our bodies. But finally we calmed down enough to finish getting undressed, and headed down to the beach itself.

    We were still covered with goose bumps -- everywhere!

    Finding a spot was pretty easy, it was a nice beach with plenty of wide open space. We laid down a couple of blankets and sat back to watch for possible conquests.

    Right away we were surprised, or at least I was. I thought there'd be beautiful women everywhere, all waiting to take me into their arms and tell me what a good little dyke I'd been. But all the women were middle-aged, with sagging breasts and faces.

    And the men were just as bad. Beer bellies and multiple chins! And the worst part....

    This is hilarious!

    ...the worst part was the fact that everybody was wearing shoes! Tennis shoes, thongs....

    Some were even wearing boots! These people were completely naked except for their shoes! I guess it's pr actical, but it sure isn't attractive!

    This set us off laughing again, of course, and that's when things started to go bad.

    Really bad. This old couple noticed us laughing at them.....

    We couldn't help it!

    ...And came over to where we were sitting. They immediately started in on us, very hostile-like. They said they could tell we were outsiders, that we didn't belong there. A large crowd started to gather all around us, and they didn't look too happy, either. Some of the people had kids with them --lots of kids. I guess that's what made this idiot open his big mouth.

    All I asked was "Isn't this a gay beach?"

    That really set them off. Everything went instantly silent for what seemed like hours.....

    Years!

    Then the same old couple started in, calling us perverts, child molesters, rejects, deviants, and other names. That really didn't bother us, just made us a little nervous. We're used to names like that. But then one really big guy , I mean really big, said, "We should teach this little faggot and his dyke friend a lesson. Let us nudists show 'em the true way. We can cure 'em! Let's show 'em nudist sex!"

    We looked at each other for half a second before this mass of nudists started to grab at us. We jumped up and ran as fast as we could. We couldn't go into the lake, so we had to head into the forest. The rocks and stuff cut into our feet, and I suddenly realized the wisdom of nudists wearing shoes.

    I was really scared. I mean, these people were crazy. And they were gaining on us. I was hopping along, trying not to break my neck or run into a tree, with no safe place to run to.

    It must have been quite a sight. Here we are, buck naked, trying to run through the forest in bare feet. And only a few yards behind us are all these rabid nudists in shoes -- breasts, balls, and dicks flying behind -- chasing us, chanting something like "Once you've had nudist you'll never go back!" It was like something out of a very bad film.

    If it hadn't been so frightening, it would have been funny!

    Finally I just couldn't run anymore, I was too tired. I saw a big tree with lots of branches, so we ran to it and scrambled up its trunk. The mob below spotted us and surrounded the tree, trapping us. I didn't know what we were going to do. That's when she snapped.

    I just couldn't take it anymore. I had scraped one of my breasts hard going up that tree, and it felt like I'd ripped my tit off. I just started screaming -- a long, hard primal scream. The mob down on the ground went silent, but I still couldn't stop. I started yelling at them, telling them how stupid they were, and how they didn't know real sex until they'd had queer sex. How if they wanted conversion, we'd show 'em what it was all about!

    It was beautiful! Once she stopped yelling, we looked at the people down below. They were just staring at her, dumbfounded. They looked dazed -- like they'd been living in a cave and had just discovered the outside world! The old couple who had first approached us fell to their knees, as if in defeat, and the rest of the group did the same! Then, a quiet voice came out of the silence. "Teach us." That's all it said. And then the new chant arose from the masses.

    They just kept repeating, "Teach us! Teach us!" What else were we to do?

    So we taught them.

    It took them a while to catch on. But once they did, they went all out. We supervised their "lessons" until it got dark, and then had to leave.

    They didn't even notice us leaving, except for this group who were doing a foursome on a giant tree stump. Two of them were women and two were men, and they gave us this guilty look, like they were ashamed for mixing sexes!

    I told them it was okay, that it was called bisexuality, and they should just continue. And continue they did, doing something that looked very painful!

    We went back the next week, and the greetings were a little more friendly that time. We gave a few lessons, and passed out condoms, dental dams, and some lubricants. And then we left.

    We might go back again soon, they still have a few things to learn. But they've learned the most important lesson.