What Does Judy Garland Have to Say about Queers
in the Queen James Per-Version of the Wholly Lible?
from Issue #1

    Throughout history, Judy Garland has revealed Her ideas to many people (mostly Queer ones, of course). During Judy's celluloid incarnation as Dorothy Gale of Kansas, those of us Queers who wished to follow in Her Ruby Red Footsteps wrote down Her words on Lavender Plates for future generations of little Dykes an d Faggots, to teach them the truth about such things as Homo-hatred and heterosexism. The following are some of Judy's thoughts (as well as those of Her companions She had when She was incarnated as Dorothy) on the subject of Homosekshiality and how Queers should act.

    Here is what Judy Garland had to stay about heterosexism and Homo-hatred:

"Woe unto the Heterosexist bigots, for they shall lead extremely boring lives."
  Second Epistle of Judy to the Munchkins 3:21

"And Dorothy said 'Any person who despises Queers or treats any of them poorly shall be condemned to live in Davis County, Utah for the rest of their natural lives."
  Gospel According to the Cowardly Lion 20:19

    On Mount Cyanide, Judy Garland revealed the following Nine Queer Commandments to the Scarecrow:

1. Thou shalt not bow before any heterosexist gods, nor join any heterosexist churches, nor vote for any heterosexist politicians.
2. Womyn shall cut their hair short, drive pick-up trucks and own large dogs.
3. Men shall lisp, swish and prance all they want to; and they shall own small dogs.
4. Thou shalt not treat homophobes as they have treated you (even though they deserve it).
5. Thou shalt do brunch every Sunday; the womyn shall eat tofu and men shall eat quiche.
6. Thou shalt not lie about thy sexual orientation, nor try in any other manner to assimilate into heterosexual culture. Yea, flaunt thy Queerness in people's faces all the days of your life, for verily I say unto you, INVISIBILITY AND SILENCE ARE DEATH!
7. Thou shalt not covet heterosexual privilege, for those who seek to be equal to heteros lack ambition.
8. Thou shalt have sex with whomever thou wilt, whensoever thou wilt, wheresoever thou wilt.
9. Thou shalt promote, advocate, and otherwise publicly espouse thy queerness before every nation, kindred, tongue (yes!), and people.